I started my first day of work yesterday. it was such a pain in the ass. everything hurt and my feet were so sore. i guess its only natural, i mean like as much as i want my dreams to happen. im probably the most unfit person. i mean obviously, im not 600 pounds lol. but i dont work out at all!! i really need to start. i want to show everyone that im not that wimpy little girl anymore. i guess in a sense i want to prove im better to prove i dont need to prove anything. that literally made 0 sense but i do not care. anyways after my first day. ive gotten much more used to it after i changed my shoes to some off brand crocs. im feeling alright.
finally got my first day of break. its thursday right now. i hung out with my mom and i gave her a 300 dollar budget to get whatever she wanted. then i just hung out with her until i went home. i dont honestly know why i gave her that much... i just felt like i had to. maybe to make her love me? she already does but idk i think i just felt like i wanted to prove myself at some point. i used to be like this when i was younger. doing things to make my parents pround, learning things i wouldnt have learned otherwise. i did shop for my own things. some pokemon and minecraft socks, and some shirts. other stuff too but you probably dont want to know all that lol.
i didnt write yesterday because i kind of forgot. you know, ive been kind of faltering in this coding thing. i wish i didnt but its just really hard to stay on top of everything when i just dont feel that motivated. ive been drinking a lot of water, since i know thats what i need to do. im usually so dehydrated.
i havent really reached the fact that im an adult until today. like, obviously you guys can see from my website that im such a child, i act like one and im so childish. but when it comes to more important issues, i realize that i really do need to grow up. i think to myself, whats more bigger then me? this planet isnt just any ball of gas. we are thinking beings and we were created so wonderfully that we had to had a perfect creator. with this chain reaction, there HAS to be a cause. i beilive in god because it makes the most sense to me. the one religion that everyone hates, might just be the most true. but how can i beilive when im so hypocritical? i am what i hate i guess.